Ghostbusters Afterlife Cereal badly spoiled


Picture: General Mills

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There is Something weird in the neighborhood grocery store cereal Ray. Something. And by “strange” I mean bad.

Look, I’m not proud to admit I’m completely exasperated with a box of cereal, but this new link for the next fan-service fest titled Ghostbusters: the afterlife is just terrible. There’s just one thing that this crappy movie cereal is meant to be, and that is to clearly relate to the movies they cash in. One way or another, the Ghostbusters: the afterlife cereals fail this incredibly simple task.

White marshmallows are obviously meant to be ghosts, even though their shape is so lazy that they look more like swords or the space shuttle. Seriously, if the marshmallow in the lower right quadrant of the bowl in the tweet had been slightly more to the left by a few degrees, I wouldn’t have been able to tell.

But the blue rounded stars are apparently an ectoplasm. This is almost certainly a lie, and the blobs are actually meant to represent a certain ghost it’s going to show up in the movie, but General Mills isn’t allowed to clarify that because the movie studio wouldn’t let it, because movie studios are needlessly secretive about stupid things like this. But if you go to check the ghost, you will find that these drops do not look like the ghost or the ectoplasm. They look like blue rounded stars, that is, they don’t look like anything. They are just confusing and bad and should have been left out entirely. Better yet, they should have been replaced with something clearer ghost hunters-y, like the Mini-Pufts featured in the damn Tweet or even Slimer.

Maybe they’ll taste great, which is what they prefer, as the actual cereal is made from completely generic rounded puffs of corn, the least imaginative pieces of cereal ever created. They are Kix, and no child or adult in the history of the world has ever been delighted to eat Kix. I think they’re meant to be red to conjure up the ghost hunters logo, except that it doesn’t make sense and they’re not really red.

What makes me extra-crazy is that Ralston did ghost hunters– themed cereals over 25 years ago, and it was much better:

See! Marshmallow ghosts that are much more ghost-shaped! Small “anti” symbols that are red! I don’t know what happens with the yellow-orange “anti” rings, but higher standards for cash crappy cereal now than we did in the 80s. (Plus, free gum!)

I realize that there are a lot of real issues the world is facing, and I know the quality or lack of Ghostbusters: the afterlife cereals are not one of them. There just has to be standards. Plus, I probably need a nap.

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