This, I think, is going to be the most mental transfer window of all time.
Yesterday there was an observation on Edu’s social media in Portugal, vacationing with his family (why is there a vacation when there is so much work to do etc. a shame, etc.). Then someone else found out that Houssem Aouar was also in Portugal.
You know what that means, don’t you?
Yes, yes I do. Two people are on vacation in the same country, but in different places. Portugal is quite big. I mean, it’s not big in Australia, but it’s still big enough that I think I could go tomorrow and manage to not meet anyone if I wanted to. How many other footballers are there at the moment too? Lots of bastards, I would say. Lots of them.
Of course, Aouar is a little different in that he is a player we were about to sign last summer and in which we keep some interest, I am told, but it is a bit of an exaggeration. . Nonetheless, I expect that one of the Transfer Sniffers © will immediately move to Portugal, find a job as a waiter in the complex where Edu is staying, take a sample of his DNA from a fork handle or a drink or something. , then match it with a previously collected DNA profile that they took from Aouar while he was sleeping (don’t worry, it was just a bit of light stalking and light break and enters), putting the two together in the same place at the same time.
HOLD THE PRESSES! EXCLUSIVE! CASE DONE.
Seriously, this is already crazy. Yesterday we were linked with a 19-year-old Brazilian right-back called Vanderson – whose nickname should have been Viv, right? Anyway, the very slight hitch in this shot is that just an hour before it was announced that he had signed a new contract with Gremio. Little of a key in the works that.
The transfer window opened yesterday. We all want the club to do business. We want good players to come in, some of the lower performing players to go and the team to be better. We want to see determination and ambition. We want Arsenal to do good business, smart business, business that shows we’ve learned from past transfer windows.
So what better way to put the pressure on than… * check ratings *… bombard an NFL player with comments and DMS on… * check ratings *… Instagram.
Arsenal fans are extremely passionate (crazy). Please share your grievances with your team leadership with someone else. Sincerely, my Instagram and DM comments. Thank you.
– Micah Kiser (@kiser_rollin) June 9, 2021
Micah Kiser is (according to Wikipedia because I don’t know much about the NFL) an “American football linebacker for the Los Angeles Rams.” The link here, of course, is the LA Rams, owned by a certain Mr. Enos Stanley Reginald Montague Cornelius Kroenke. What better way to get your message across to him than to bore the living shit of a random NFL player? I’m sure the patient and tolerant Mr. Kiser will print these Instagram DMs and send them straight to Stan’s ranch.
Let’s be clear about this: this is really crazy. I know it’s ‘not all Arsenal fans’ but damn we are taking the shit to levels never before seen. Whether it’s tracking thefts, CSI style exams of windows and seat belts, harassing people’s wives and children through their social media accounts and, of course, providing proof. location based on vegetation and planting on a photograph (who knew we had so many arborists in the fan base), but this is a new development.
You know what, if I were Denver Nuggets star Nikola Jokic I would be stepping up security (internet and such) because wait until he starts to get blamed for not spending enough money this summer (hat trick @ CVogel_15 for the heads-up on that one).
With his MVP honor, Nikola Jokic will be eligible to sign a supermax extension (35%) after the 2021-22 season, projected to:
5 years, $ 246,797,250
(based on a cap of $ 121.5 million)
2023-24: $ 42,551,250
2024-25: $ 45,955,350
2025-2026: $ 49,359,450
2026-2027: $ 52,763,550
2027-2028: $ 56,167,650
– Spotrac (@spotrac) June 9, 2021
As always, the best way to get through the transfer window is to take a step back from that window and apply generous doses of critical thinking. Imagine that this period between now and August 31st is a hot summer day. Would you spend hours in the sun without applying any factors? No you wouldn’t, but if you did you would burn yourself to pieces, suffer from sunstroke (pretty debilitating, this happened to me once and I hallucinated a bunch of David Bowies walking through my room hotel), and maybe risk your long in the long run as overexposure to ultraviolet rays can cause skin cancer. It’s a bit of a crass analogy, but I think it works.
It’s everywhere though, big-scale nonsense like the NFL dude, but other things are less obvious. For example, the other day I wrote about our links to Ruben Neves and I postulated this:
What if Wolves dreamed of Ainsley Maitland-Niles again, like they did last summer? It might not be ideal, but including a player in any deal could offset some of the expense.
Overnight, on a Birmingham-based post:
Hmmm. Call me suspect. In any case, that’s enough for today. Join me tomorrow after Arsenal fans created a robot farm to play billions of Spotify tracks every hour, pushing the share price up, allowing Daniel Ek to increase his bid from £ 2bn to £ 2 billion and £ 1.
For Patreon members, there’s a brand new episode (audio and video) of the Waffle podcast, in which James and I answer questions about anything and everything except Arsenal. If you are not a member, you can sign up here for additional information and to support everything we do on the site.
Regular arsecast tomorrow. In the meantime, put on sunscreen. Is that sunscreen or sunscreen? In all cases, Factor 50 until the end.